Dear Mrs. Ida:

I hope you and Mr. D are doing well. First, you might notice that my penmanship has gotten bad, though I can explain it. Second, I know it has been a long time since I wrote to you, I can explain that too. Lastly, it has been a very unusual summer, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

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I set my pen down and I started to think where to begin to tell Mrs. Ida what happened to me. In the past couple of months many bad and good things have transpired. Then I realized that there have been so many good and terrible things that have happened to my family in the last couple of years.

Starting with the last of my family moved to the country two years ago. My mother gave my dad an ultimatum: either he had to sell the farm or the house in St. Louis. Mom was tired of being a weekend widow. Dad and I went to the farm every weekend. We left Friday night after dinner and came home just before Sunday dinner. My mom underestimated my dad’s interest in moving away from St. Louis. She knew he worked downtown and would not retire for at least fifteen years. Mom was shocked and upset the next day when a for-sale sign went up in our front yard. My parents had a huge fight that night. My bedroom was next to theirs and the screaming, shouting and door slamming was a little more than any thirteen-year-old’s mind could swallow. My dad left without saying a word to me. I was his right hand. I went wherever he went. I knew this move was going to put a strain on our family dynamics.

I felt like our family was always changing. I had one brother; he was the oldest. Two sisters followed him, then me then came the cherished baby sister. From start to finish there were sixteen years that separated us. My parents both worked at jobs they loved but us kids kept popping up as accidents. When my mom went back to work full-time my brother oversaw my care. My baby sister was under the care of my oldest sister. The number two sister loved dressing my baby sister up as a doll and saw me as more of a nuisance.

My brother taught me how to wrestle and get dirty. The two older sisters did not like to get messy or anything that had to do with dirt, so they made sure the baby sister was a little prissy as far as I was concerned. I was not sure if I was a handful but when my brother left for Vietnam my charge became my dad when he wasn’t working. Though I do remember going to my dad’s work when school was out. Not every day, I would guess it was when the complaints of my oldest sister about me got too much for my parents.

My dad could have used another son so that was what he turned me into. I went to work on the farm every weekend. In the summer, when we were baling hay, I was right there with the other boys doing my part. First, I pulled the bales on the flatbed truck to someone big enough to stack them in a crisscross pattern so they would stay on the truck as it moved. When it was time to put them in the hayloft I pushed them in the loft to someone who would stack them there. When I wasn’t needed to push, I had to follow along behind the people throwing the bales up on the truck trying to stay out of the way. I liked this time because I could look for arrowheads. I knew it was a lucky day when I found one. When the truck was full, I had to run up to the barn through the lower pasture and follow the cow path through the woods to the barn. Once my dad gave me a look when I wasn’t there waiting when the truck came down the road. It only took that one time and after that I made sure I was there. I never wanted to disappoint my dad.

As I got older, I was the one carrying the bales of hay to be stacked then I started to throw the bales up to be stacked. I did not let any boy my age beat me at anything. Of course, my dad would have me make sandwiches for the workers because you know I was a girl. I was only a girl when he needed me to be one. I was as dirty and stinky as any boy. I helped everywhere on the farm from watching for birthing calves, with castrating, feeding the animals in the morning and night, mucking the stalls, moving the cows to the different pastures, walking the fence line checking to make sure they were intact, catching fish, cleaning and cooking them for dinner. In my mind, I did it all.

From five until I was ten years old, in the summertime, we stayed in the treehouse my dad and brother built. It was cool because it had hot and cold running water, a hot plate, an under the counter refrigerator, a full bed, a camping cot, table with four chairs, tv and stereo. I was the only person I knew who had electricity in their own treehouse. This sizable treehouse was built into two trees. Ben and Dad poured a concrete floor underneath the treehouse essentially giving us a porch. On the west side of the porch, they had to build a foot-and-a-half wall and on the east side there was a two-and-a-half-foot drop. This was necessary because of how steep the hill was where the trees were living. The gravel driveway was alongside the drop edge of the porch. 

Dad made a concrete sidewalk around one of the trees then across the front of the treehouse. The stairs that lead up to the treehouse were set in concrete. This way you didn’t have to walk in dirt to go from the porch to the stairs. This created a flat area for walking and sitting. I was surprised that my mom hadn’t made him pour a sidewalk out to the outhouse. My dad had put an open-air shower underneath the treehouse, too. The treehouse was located just inside our property about thirty feet from the edge of a cliff. At the base of the cliff was a creek with a road that ran alongside it. The creek was our water source until my dad dug a well.

In the early years, the three youngest girls would go out to the farm with my mom and dad each weekend. Once or twice, we would stay a whole week. The sleeping arrangement was an orchestrated event. We all stood outside the outhouse waiting for our turn to go and my dad was the last one. He had to walk back without a flashlight. We would finish brushing our teeth by the time he got back to the treehouse. My dad would climb into bed first. My mom would get my little sister tucked in her sleeping bag at the foot of my parent’s bed, then she would climb into bed with my dad. Laurie would be reading on her cot waiting for me to turn off the light. I would stand at the corner of my parents’ bed waiting until everyone was situated. It was my job to pull the string hanging from the fluorescent light in the middle of the ceiling. All I had to do was take one step and I would be on my sleeping bag. I was sandwiched between my older sister on the cot and my parents’ bed.

My mom was thrilled when my dad put in the shower because she couldn’t stand another weekend with a bunch of stinky people. My sisters and I would stay upstairs while my dad showered, and he would stay upstairs when we showered. If us girls were taking a shower and a car came along, we would yell ‘hit the deck.’ I had scraped a knee or two during that exercise and sometimes my toes. The truth was it would have been exceedingly difficult for anyone in a car to see us up on the hill. We could only see about five feet of road from where we stood under the shower. We were girls who desperately didn't want to be spotted showering outdoors.

When the weather was perfect, we would sit downstairs as we called it. My dad hung a porch swing and made a table out of a third tree using it as the table pedestal and cut off part of a spool used for cables for the top. To cover the holes my mom made a tablecloth out of army green vinyl. My dad was an electrical contractor, though in his spare time he made us all kinds of trash as my mom called it.

Mom wasn’t happy with dad when he said he was going to get a warehouse in St. Louis. Not one to use in St. Louis but to be transported to the farm. The warehouse was in his way for an intersection he was putting in for the city. Dad said he was going to take it out to the farm and build a barn out of it. He would make part of it into living quarters for us. I overheard my mom telling our neighbor that he was nuts. Dad painstakingly took apart the warehouse labeling everything and took it out to our farm and rebuilt it.

My mom was impressed…sort of. She complained that half of the warehouse was a barn, and he took the other half and divided it. A fourth of the space was a living room, kitchen area, one bedroom and a bathroom. The other fourth he made into a garage that he used as his workshop. When it was completed, my dad was excited to take us all out to the farm to see it. Well, they had to drag Laurie out there because she had a boyfriend. Truthfully, that really didn’t have any influence, she never wanted to go to the farm.

We brought two vehicles because dad and I were spending the week. My mom and my sisters were going back on Sunday. My dad and I were the first to cross the dam to see that big gray monster standing there against the green of the trees that was its backdrop. You could see the reflection of the building in the lake. It was a pretty picture. My dad was happy about my reaction. I was there when they poured the concrete for the garage and the apartment. The last thing I saw was the frame put up. I guess I should have looked out the back window when we left so I would realize how big the barn really was. I was excited about everything until bedtime came. My youngest sister and I were still sleeping on the floor, and my older sister got the couch. Even at eleven I thought why didn’t he make two bedrooms, and he would still have space for a workshop.

When dad decided to move to the farm it was just going to be my little sister and me living there. The number three child, Laurie, was going to college and when she came “home” she lived with my oldest sister Sara in St. Louis. I was the only one excited about moving to the farm besides my dad. I loved it there and I was the happiest when out on the farm. I explored all eighty acres and more. I found so many cool places off our property as well. Since I was excited about the move my dad had me pick which house to build. He had brought home a half dozen plans and had me pick which one I liked best. I picked the red and black brick ranch with a black and white trim. When you would drive up our driveway you would see a porch that was the length of the house with two sets of French doors one for the family room and one for the dining room. A large kitchen window was between the two doors. The large garage was on the left. It reminded me of a Spanish home. It ended up being the one my dad liked best. He told me that great minds think alike. My dad was the best dad at making you feel special.

When time was getting close to moving, I asked my dad where my little sister Missy and I were going to stay while he built our house. I was hoping he didn’t intend for us to sleep on the floor until we moved into the big house. He said he had already figured that out, he was going to build a little room off the living quarters (a.k.a. in the garage) for us. He was putting in a skylight so we would have a small amount of light come in from the garage light. He promised it would be for three or four months at most. We would be sleeping on a pullout couch. We had a little bookshelf, a console television and a piano. Missy and I had started to play the piano a couple of years before we moved. She was exceptionally good, but I would never tell her that. I was an okay player.

When the bed was open you couldn’t walk around the room. Missy slept next to the door because my mom still tucked her in. When I went to bed, I carefully stepped over the corner between the tv and the bed. The TV, bed, closet, and piano formed a three-foot square area. That was where we dressed and where I climbed up the bed to get in it. I hated it when I would get under the covers, look up at the skylight, and see that I forgot to turn off the garage light. I would have to reverse my actions to turn it off. I became rather cat-like, as I got quite good at seeing in the dark when I refused to turn on the garage light and not have the closet light on.

Our closet was the length of the room. The sizes of our clothes were so different I thought they looked silly next to each other. Missy insisted that half the closet was hers, so we put tape down the back of the closet wall. She shoved my clothes off her side, and I kicked her toys back over onto her side.

Our stay in that little room didn’t turn out like dad planned. Dad fell off the new house roof one evening when he was working late trying to finish the shingling before the rain hit. I was never so scared in my life. Mom drove dad the hour and a half to the hospital and he didn’t come home for a month. We knew our lives wouldn’t be the same. After getting out of the hospital my dad couldn’t go back to work for another four months and when he did my mom would sit looking down the driveway until he got home. This made me more nervous because I could tell she was nervous. It was never a good feeling when you didn’t feel secure. I became more glued to my dad than ever and never left him alone. I took on more jobs around the farm so he wouldn’t have to do them.

That year of recovery for my dad changed all of our lives. The four of us were living in a ridiculously small place and we did everything together. We started doing fun stuff together. We went out to eat more, went to festivals around the area, played cards and games together. We never made time for these simple things before. We became a tv family, the kind you see on tv. It was wonderful. My dad and I finished building the house with some help from a hired hand. I learned how to put up drywall and mud it then sand it smooth. I helped run electrical lines and connect pipes though my dad always did the final tightening. I helped my dad look for rocks along the roads to make a retaining wall next to the house. It was rigorous work, but it was fun looking for the right size of rock and placing them in the correct spot. It was like a puzzle putting up that wall. Of course, I planted the garden under the watchful eye of my dad and mom. It surprised me that my little sister and I didn’t fight as much. We were both changed by what we referred to as the event until we moved into the big house.

Living in the new house was great but we started doing our own thing again. My mom went back to work nights as a nurse in a small community hospital in Washington, about thirty miles away, and my dad was still driving to St. Louis during the week. When I got home from school, I had farm chores to do plus my homework. My freshman year in high school I took an art class. I had always drawn but taking a class really awoke my talent. It didn’t hurt having a fantastic teacher. My parents agreed that I could use the treehouse as my own art studio, but I had to get the farm chores done first.

I was in heaven having my own place. My sister was back to being a pest. If I was in the big house, she would always be bugging me. She thought it was funny to put her hand in front of my face and say, “I am not touching you.” If I pushed her away, she would call mommy and said I hit her. Thank goodness that my parents told her that she could not go into the treehouse.

I had to stop daydreaming about what Mrs. Ida already knew, and I got down to business writing my letter. I was a very good procrastinator, though I really had a lot of things I had to figure out how to tell her.

​

My brother, his wife and their two little boys finally moved home. I had to tell my two cute little nephews that the treehouse was mine and they were not supposed to go in it. Of course, the little boogers wouldn’t stop trying to come in… all the time. My mom said they would get tired of it soon enough. I hoped she was right. Ben is working for my dad now. He oversees maintenance of the vehicles. That was what he did in the Navy. They are living in the barn until Ben saves enough money for a down payment on a house. I don’t think they know where they want to live. If Ben stays around here it is a long commute to St. Louis and if he lives in St. Louis, it will take a while to save for a house there. It is cool to have my brother back home. I just wish the boys were better behaved. Benny is now seven and Toby is five and a half. He reminds everyone about the half.

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I paused, how was I supposed to write the next part? It was so hard to try to put all of this into words to really show her what transpired. “Think Sam, think.” I knew it was hard, but I had to try.

I knew this summer was going to be great. The house was complete, after I did my chores, I was free to draw or paint. When Missy and I got off the bus we began our summer break by racing up the hill to the big house. I just had to go check on the calves born these last two months and feed the chickens and pigs. Then I was off to draw. The treehouse didn’t have great lighting, being that it was in the trees, but it was my own place. I didn’t have to make dinner tonight because my mom was making burgers. My mom let us pick out the beginning and the end of the year dinners, it was Missy's turn to pick. I didn’t know why my mom even asked her what she wanted because it was always the same hamburgers and French fries.

I flew through my chores and ran the mile to my place. How many fifteen-year-olds have their own place? My dad had made real stairs to the treehouse when my mom said she wouldn’t climb the ladder. This made it easy for me to run up the stairs. My dad had put a nail in the tree to hang the key on, so we didn’t have to remember the key every time. He hid it behind the tree next to the door at the top of the stairs so no one could see it. Having the key so high from the ground made it impossible to see. The tree was so large that my arm could barely reach around it. If someone was watching me get the key, you would have thought I was hugging the tree. That day changed my life as I knew it, forever. I will never forget to lock it again.

I tried to open the door. I was shocked that it was locked. I didn’t remember locking it. I probably did it because I saw the boys trying to spy on me. I reached around the tree and found the key. I was thrilled I had put the key where it was supposed to be…not always the case. I unlocked the door and put the key back. I stepped into the room and before I could shut the door someone put his hand over my mouth and grabbed my left arm and pulled it up behind me. I tried to scream and pulled away from him. The harder I fought to get away the higher up he would push up my arm and it hurt. I stopped struggling. I smelled his dirty sweaty hand over my mouth. This wasn’t good. I could tell he was bigger than me, another negative. He told me he would let go of me if I wouldn’t scream. I had so many thoughts going through my head and the first one that stood out was I was a dead person.

“You promise you won’t scream?” He didn’t have the sound of an older man, so I didn’t think he was a hunter who found my treehouse. He sounded like a young guy.

I shook my head yes and he shoved me into the cot that was still in the place. The bed had been moved to the barn. I was lucky enough to catch myself from falling face first into the cot. I turned around and sat down, dumbfounded as to what had just happened. The fear in me rose when I saw the guy. There stood a severely beaten teenager with blood all over his ripped clothes. One of his eyes was so swollen I couldn’t imagine that he could even see out of it. His appearance scared me more than him putting his hand over my mouth.

All I could think of to say was, “Who are you?”  My voice sounded foreign to me; it was so low.

“It doesn’t matter. Who are you?” I saw the irritability in his mannerisms as he paced back and forth. He was doing everything he could not to look at me.

“This is my place, so you have to answer first.” I didn’t know where the nerve to say this came from but maybe it was years of dealing with my little sister.

“I am Ned.” He said reluctantly. I couldn’t believe he told me his name.

“Ned what are you doing here?” Where was this coming from? I didn’t question people, especially strangers who kept me from leaving.

“I’m running away from home. My dad and I had a big fight. I found this place to hide.” He stared at the floor like it had the answers he was looking for.

The statement relaxed both of us to some extent. He looked at me for the first time. He seemed relieved when he saw my fear go out of my eyes. I had never been hit, but I was scared of my mom. She was a yeller and that unnerved me. Her words could hurt more than any fist, I thought. I decided I should keep him talking. This was something I had seen on TV.

“What is your name?” He asked me more like we were meeting for the first time in school than what was really happening to me: someone was holding me hostage.

“Sam. I think I should go.” I looked at the door.

“No, I don’t think you are going anywhere until we have a talk.”

That statement scared me again. When I looked back at him, he looked more frightened than I was.

“What do you want to talk about?” My voice sounded so shaky.

“Are you going to tell people that I am here?” He sounded so intimidating but there was a little nervousness around the edges of the question.

“Should I?” What a stupid thing to say! I should have said no. I thought, Sam, you have an attitude problem.

“I was hoping you would say no.” He said with a little bit of anger, but I could tell some disappointment in it, too.

“I don’t understand why you are hiding.”

“I came home from school yesterday and found my dad beating my mother to a pulp. I was tired of my dad using my mom and me as punching bags.” He said it as if he were letting air out of a balloon rather quickly. He went from standing up rather straight to his shoulders slumping. He paused then I saw the anger come back. He continued, “I just went crazy punching him. We fought forever until I hit my dad so hard, he fell and hit his head on the hearth. There was so much blood.” He just looked at the floor like he could see it all over again. I felt bad for him, but I was a little scared that he could hit someone so hard they fell.

“Did you call the police or someone?”

“No, my mom and I had called the police before, but they said it was a family matter. I did call the neighbor and asked them to check on my mom. Then I packed a couple of things and ran. I came upon your barn, but I saw two little boys playing there. I followed the line of woods around the first dam when I saw this treehouse. This is cool.” He looked around the room.

“Thanks.” was all I could think of to say. I would have liked to tell him all the things that used to be in the room because I thought it was cool, too. I just didn’t think it was the time or place to get all chatty.

“Are these your drawings?” I hung them all around the place. If I liked them, I tacked them on the wall and the ceiling. If I was still working on them, I stacked them on the table. I had some hanging from clothes lines with clothespins. I knew they ruined the corners but I hung them so I could look at them longer and maybe get inspired. I might work on them again. Besides, I had run out of spaces on the walls.

“Yes,” still trying to think of what I should say to this guy.

“You are a very good drawer.” He was looking at them very closely now.

“Thanks. Can I draw you?” He turned and looked at me like I was crazy. I was not the crazy one. I might not have gotten away but I would have a picture of what he looked like.

It wasn’t until later that I thought if he hurt me, he could have just taken the drawing with him.

“You want to draw me? Why?” Now he seemed a little shy. I knew shy. I never talked unless someone asked me something. Of course, I fought with my sister but at school I rarely talked. When I moved here there were a couple of girls that decided that we were friends. They started to talk to me one day and haven’t stopped. I was glad they liked me enough to approach me. I wished I had the nerve to step out of my comfort zone and talk to people. It was nice to have friends.

“Well, you are in my studio. I am tired of drawing nature,” which was a lie, I would never be tired of drawing any kind of nature. I had numerous pencil and charcoal drawings all over the treehouse. 

“I guess you can.” He pulled a chair in front of the door. I walked around the table and took the seat opposite him. I was glad my parents left the table and chairs in here, so I had a place to work. I decided I would do a pencil drawing. I picked up my large pad and turned to a clean sheet. “What do you want me to do?” he said with so much apprehension in his voice that I felt more confident that he wasn’t going to hurt me.

“You can just sit comfortably, and I will do the work,” I smiled for the first time since I walked into the place. Now I was in charge. I was in my element. I had done a few portraits in school and got all “A’s” so I knew I could do a respectable job, but I had never drawn someone with so many bruises. This would be a challenge.

After I drew his silhouette. I was seeing him more clearly. It was possible that he was a cute guy underneath all the bruises. I could see he had muscles so he could have really hurt me. I bet I was the strongest girl in my school. I have muscles. Last summer I was throwing 65-pound bales of hay four bales high. I kept up with the boys. There are four families that live out in this area, and we help each other to bale hay. It was a hard and sweaty job that required more than three people to work. My poor dad only had me, but the other men have a couple of sons each. The sons were around my age and one in particular was so cute. I have had a crush on him since I was a little girl. All the guys treated me like I was one of the boys. The problem was I was not a boy. I had breasts, but if they noticed they didn’t say a word. I was pushed around like they did each other. Oh, how I wished Richard would notice that I was a girl.

He interrupted my thoughts, “Do you go to Union?”

“Yes, where do you go?”

“Sullivan. What year are you?”

“I just finished my sophomore year. I will graduate in ’79. You?”

“Junior. Are you going to be an artist?”

“I don’t know if I am good enough.”

He moved in big gestures with his arms opened up big and wide. I saw pain in his eyes, but his voice was excited. “Oh my God, you are an amazing artist. It is unreal that you don’t think you are good enough.”

“Thanks, but are you an art critic? Please hold still though you can talk.”

“No but anyone with eyes could tell that you are good.”

“Are you going to go to college?” I saw the sadness take over in his good eye.

“I doubt it. No money.” I felt sorry for Ned.

“Would you like to go to college?” Maybe if I kept talking about everyday stuff, he wouldn’t hurt me and even let me go.

“Yes.” Sadness was overtaking him. He just looked down at the floor. He was still searching for something, but I was not sure what it was this time.

“What would you study?” I asked.

“English.” I crinkled my nose at that. I hated English. I was not particularly good with words but given a pencil I could draw you a whole story without one word. You would understand what it meant by just looking at it. It might not mean exactly what I was intending it to be, nevertheless if that was what you were taking away with it then it was your story. Ned asked, “You don’t like English?”

“I know I don’t like diagraming a sentence,” I said flippantly.

Ned went on like he didn’t hear me. “What I really want to do is write poetry.”

“That is worse than diagraming a sentence,” I shook my head in disgust.

“It is just like your pictures here.” I must have given him a look of not understanding because he continued answering the question in my head. “Take that drawing you made of the grass next to the pond. Were you trying to convey the pond or the grass? Were you really conveying what is underneath the water? I see little ripples in the water. Did a frog just jump in or did a fish poke his head out? The flat area that is next to the tuft of grass. Was there an animal lying there minutes ago? Was there someone sitting there? Is someone hiding in the tuft of grass?” I heard the excitement in his voice. He would be a good poet.

“Okay, I get your drift. So, you like poetry. You write about one thing, and someone might think it’s about another thing and you are okay with that?

“Yes, I made you think. I love that.” His one eye had some hope and excitement in it. Maybe I should ask him about the fight now that he didn’t look upset. I decided I needed to finish my drawing before I got to that question.

“Can you make a living writing poetry? My parents keep telling me that I have to think of something else besides going to college for art. They say you can’t make money drawing for a living.” I hated that statement because it made me feel my art wasn’t good enough. I thought I was rather good, of course I couldn’t say that aloud.

“Your parents are crazy. You are really good.”

“Thanks again.” I couldn’t look at him when he said that. I concentrated on his clothes. They were farm clothes. My mom made the rule that we had four sets of clothes: church, school, play, and work. Some overlapped: if I wanted to wear church clothes to school it better be an important occasion. Sometimes I could wear play clothes to take care of the animals, but I better not get them dirty. Work clothes were for getting dirty and only work clothes.

My mom was a fanatic about dirt or any kind of mess. She left me notes on my desk saying my desk drawers were not neat enough. Sometimes she pinned a note on my clothes that said my closet wasn't neat enough. This could mean my shoes were scattered and should be in a straight line or my clothes were not neatly hung. I knew I was going to hear about it at dinner. Every day I had to make my bed with hospital corners. My dad inspected our rooms before he left for work. If our beds didn’t look right my dad would check to see if a quarter would bounce on them. My sister, at age nine, was a perfectionist, especially at making her bed. She rarely had to remake her bed. Unlike me, I had to remake my bed, at least once a week. No matter when I got up in the morning, I was always late and, in a rush, to make my bed before the inspection. I thought my dad took pity on me on more than one occasion. We both hoped my mom wouldn’t notice when she got home from work, or all my sheets would be off my bed when I came home from school. It was not like I did it on purpose, my mind was always on something less important as she would say.

The stranger pulled me out of my thoughts. “Do you come down here every day?”

“Since school is out, I have plans to come down here after my chores during the week. On weekends, my dad and I work all day doing things around the farm.”

“You do chores? Like what?”

“You are wrong if you think because I am a girl I don’t work around here!” I took offense when guys didn’t think I could do what they did. “Feed the animals, mend fences, this summer we will be finishing the dam on the second lake. My job is to pull all the sticks and rocks out of the dirt and mud that my dad piles on the road with the Caterpillar.” I was pissed.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to upset you. I just never, uh, never...” He was so cute trying to think of something to say.

“Girls can do anything that boys can do.” This was always my smart reply.

You could tell he was trying to think of something that only boys could do. It showed on his face when he thought of something. He should really have kept his mouth closed. No, instead he blurted it out, “Girls can’t pee standing up.”

“Well, yes, they can but it’s not a pretty sight.” I smiled at him.

He chuckled, realizing he was out of trouble, though the laughter caused him pain as he grabbed his side. To take the attention off him he said, “You have a pretty smile.”

I could feel the heat rising in my face. I look down and pretend that I was really getting a detail done on the drawing. The comment made me frustrated with my crooked smile. I had been told that more than once, plus I had tried to do a self-portrait, and I saw these things. My older sisters had braces, and my baby sister would, too. Her teeth are awful. I didn’t need braces. I thought I was lucky, but I would rather have a smile that didn’t go higher on one side.

Looking down at the drawing I was doing a rather decent job on his bruises. I thought the cut on his lip and eyebrow needed some stitches. He was going to have some scars. I felt so sorry for him as I worked on my drawing. Drawing lets me really look at people. When you take a picture, you make sure you are in focus but when you draw you look at every wrinkle, blemish, hair and fleck of color in the eyes.

He had steel blue eyes with white flecks. Even though he had long dirty blonde curly hair his eyelashes and eyebrows were brown. I bet his hair was like my sisters’ during the summer; when they are outside and in the pool their hair turns almost a whitish blonde, and their hair was as straight as could be. Unlike anyone in my family my hair turned red in the summer, but during the winter it was auburn. Because of that, my sisters have said I was adopted but my dad told me I had the same hair color as his dad. I just saw my grandfather’s hair as wisps gray hair on the sides of his head. I had a long way to go before I looked bald; my hair was so thick you could hardly see my scalp. Sometimes I didn’t think I belonged to my family.

I lost track of time which got me in trouble with my mom all the time. I really had forgotten Ned had trapped me in the treehouse. I was concentrating on the drawing. He was no longer a guy but an object. I had his broad shoulders set back with his head tilted to the side with his good eye looking down. I looked at my watch and I saw it was almost five. My mom would be wondering where I was.

“I am finished except for the background. I really have to leave, or my mom will send my sister down here to get me. Do you want to see it?” I slipped my sister and mom in the middle. I thought if I acted normal, he would let me go. I turned the drawing around for him to see. Instantly he reached up to his swollen eye.

“Is that what I look like?”

“Well, I hope it looks like you. Does your eye hurt?”

“I hurt all over.” He pulled up the side of his shirt and showed me his ribs and I couldn’t help it, I reacted.

Grimacing, I said, “Wow, that must really hurt. How did that happen?”

Looking away from me, he replied, “My dad hit me with a chair when I went to check on my mom. I thought when I pulled him off of her that he would just go away. No, he just started hitting me. I fought back. My mom always stepped in when he started hitting me, but she wasn’t moving. When I left, I saw that she was breathing, that is why I called my neighbor.” I saw a tear rolling down his face. He got up and walked across the room. He bent over, putting one arm over the window and was looking out. The sides of the walls came up to my eyes as did the top of the window frames. My dad had built shutters on hinges so you can hook them up to the ceiling. When the bed was in here, we had to move it to open or shut the shutters on that side. The bottom of the windows started at my knees. I watched him as he looked out at the creek. I turned to look at the door then I heard him make a noise. I turned back to look at him and he was holding his side. That was when I saw him as the wounded bird, he was instead of the guy who scared me.

I got up and walked over to him. “Are you ok?”

“It hurts to breathe. If I hold my arm like this it helps,” he held his arm to his side.

“I bet you have a broken rib or ribs after looking at your side.”

“What are you a nurse?”

“No, a couple of years ago, my dad broke seven ribs and fractured eleven. I remember he had a difficult time breathing for a long time, a month or two. I watched my mom bandage his sides. His wounds had cuts too.” I shook my head to get those thoughts out of my head. “You must keep taking deep breaths, so you don’t get pneumonia. I can get you some aspirin if you want. You know, for the pain.”

“You are going to help me? Why?” He was searching my face to see if I was telling him the truth.

“Well, yes, because you need help.” I looked down at him holding his side. I continued, fast, trying to get all my thoughts out. “Everyone knows that the treehouse is off limits but that doesn’t keep them from trying to see what I am doing in here. My nephews have come in here before without me being here. My dad and brother get home around 6:30 so be careful walking around outside then.” Moving my attention from Ned’s one wrist to the other I noticed he didn’t have a watch. “Here, take my watch so you know what time it is. That would drive me crazy not knowing the time.” He took the watch, and I could tell he was wondering about me. “What?”

“I can’t believe you are wanting to help me. Especially after I told you what I did.” I couldn’t lie, it hurt me to look him in the face. I tried to look at his one good eye and fixate on it.

“Well, I can see you are seriously hurt, and I believe you that you didn’t, you know, want to hurt your dad, you know, on purpose.”

“I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”

“Does that mean you are going to stay?” He nodded. “Okay, I will try to get away tonight and bring you some food and stuff to clean your cuts. My mom leaves around 9:30 and my dad goes to bed soon after. When my sister goes to bed I will come back. Make sure all the shutters are closed before you turn on the lights.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. Just a little over an hour ago I thought he was going to kill me, now I was helping him. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“I forgot my toothbrush.”

“Okay, I know I can get you one and toothpaste. Do you have any other clothes?”

“I didn’t think about clothes either.”

“What did you bring?” I looked at his knapsack.

“I brought my book on poetry my mom gave me, my bible, tape recorder and some of my cassette tapes.” I must have had a look of disapproval on my face. “Hey, look, I wasn’t sure if I just killed my dad and if my mom was going to live.”

“So, you thought, I better get my tapes of Captain and Tennille, Elton John and Glen Campbell and run.”

“Glen Campbell?” He said it like it was a dirty word.

“My dad likes him so don’t say a word against him,” I said with a smile. I started to laugh when he put his hands in the air and stepped back.

“I really wasn’t thinking.”

“Duh! I know you won’t fit into any of my clothes. I might be able to get you a T-shirt of my dad’s for you, but I will have to figure out how. I have to go or like I said, my mom will send my sister for me.”

“Thanks Sam. I really appreciate this.”

“Get some rest and don’t forget to breathe deep.” He frowned. “Well, every once in a while, take a deep breath.”

I walked out the door and down the stairs. I heard him lock the door behind me. I walked up the hill through the wooded area to the road that led to the barn where my brother, his wife and his two little boys lived. I saw the boys playing in the yard. I was glad they were not spying on me today. I looked up the hill to our house and I saw my little sister coming out the French doors. She yelled something but I couldn't hear her. I hate that because I didn’t know if I was in trouble, or she was trying to get me in trouble. I started running up the hill. The front yard was not landscaped yet, which made running difficult. When I reached the porch, I had to hoist myself up. Suzy, our dog came running off the step from the house to lick my face before I could get out of her reach.

After I stood up, I reached to scratch her behind the ears, her favorite spot. I said, “Sorry girl, next time I will take you with me. I know you missed me today. Were you sleeping with mom again?” Suzy was my mom’s dog. We found Suzy hurt, dirty and as cute as could be. The veterinarian thought she was a purebred pointer, though she was only good at pointing out grasshoppers and butterflies. Suzy attached herself to my mom and was her protector, though she did like to roam with me on the farm when my mom shooed her out of the house.

I heard from the door, “Mom isn’t happy with you.”

“What’s new?” I walked past her into the house. “Mom, sorry I lost track of time. What do you want me to do?”

My mom looked at me, “Where is your watch? If you don’t wear your watch, how are you going to know what time it is to come home?”

I looked at my wrist, “I forgot it. I will try to remember to watch the time.”

“Samantha, how many times have I heard that?” That question always made me wonder if I was supposed to answer it or not. Sometimes I did and the response could go either way. Sometimes she laughed and sometimes she started screaming at me. She didn’t use my full name, just my first, so I thought I wasn't in huge trouble. Did I feel lucky today? Well, I just got out of a terrible situation, so I was going to go for it.

“Well, I am almost sixteen and I have been able to tell time for eight years now. There are 365 days in the year.” My mom was putting her hands on her hips. This wasn’t telling. I continued, “So eight times 365 days is,” I tried to think fast, “2920 but that doesn’t count leap year.”

“Okay wise guy, get in the kitchen and wash the lettuce and clean the carrots.”

Good, she wasn’t in a bad mood. I got to work but my mind was distracted by what I saw out the window. I could barely make out the bottom of the treehouse through all the trees. I needed to take Suzy with me when I went back so she could become friends with Ned. That way she wouldn’t bark or growl when she was outside.

I was so anxious the whole evening. My anxiety levels were through the roof. I was very fidgety in my chair. I could tell I was driving my mom nuts. Finally, she said, “Samantha Jane, what is the matter with you? You can’t sit still. Either find a place to sit and stay seated or go to your room.”

“Sorry, I keep thinking about what I am going to start working on tomorrow.” Adding, “After I finish my chores, of course.” I got up and went to my room. I was thrilled I didn’t have to sit and watch something I wasn’t paying attention to anyway. I had cleaned up the dinner dishes, so I knew what we had left over. I wondered how much food I could get out of the house without anyone noticing it was missing. My mom was incredibly good at knowing what food was always in the house. These thoughts made my anxiety rise.

My mom came into my room just before she left for work to tell me everything I was supposed to do before I could go down to the treehouse. She reminded me that I was not spending all my free time in the treehouse. I told her I planned on drawing all around the farm. That seemed to make her feel better. When I saw her driving past my window, I went out to the living room to see if my dad and sister had gone to bed. Dad was getting his things ready for the morning. He usually made his lunch and put it in the refrigerator.

“Sam, I need you to walk the fence line across the road tomorrow. I want to move the cows over to that field after we bale hay next week. I don’t want you to ride Jan while doing it because you will have to keep getting off of her. I do want you to brush her and take her for a ride. If you want another horse, you are going to have to take care and ride the one you have.”

“Dad, you can’t gallop with Jan. When I ride with the guys I look like a prissy, foxtrotting along while they are running their horses,” making a motion of bouncing up and down. This made my dad smile. He had gotten Jan in trade when he did some work for a guy. I thought the guy got the better deal. He probably wanted to get rid of Jan. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jan and just riding her through the woods was fine but if I was in an open field I would love to run with a horse. The guys that I ride with tease me all the time when we run. I never win a race.

“Never mind the guys. You still must take care of her and ride her.”

“Okay. Anything else.”

“Yes, you need to clean out the pool and scrub the sides. It is getting warm, and it is time to open up the pool. Tomorrow night I will put in the pump to get all the water out. I don’t want any leaves in there. They will clog up the pump.” He paused for a second then added, “Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand.” I would never roll my eyes at my dad, but I really wanted to. I have had several lectures about that every year when it was time to get the pool ready for the season. They bought the pool for me before we moved out here. I had been on a swim team since I was five. I had won many awards and ribbons. This was the only thing I missed about moving here. I loved to swim. Our pool was an above ground pool though my dad made a deep end on one side. The leaves would collect in the deep end. I liked how there was a ledge that you could walk all around the outside of the deep end. He had dug out a spot on the hill near the warehouse so you could walk right into the pool on one side. It was the biggest above ground pool they could find. It was my job to keep it clean and test the water to keep the water sparkling clear. I did an excellent job because who wanted to swim in an over chlorinated pool or for that matter an under chlorinated pool? I checked the pH levels daily. I vacuumed it every few days and backwashed it because I would get in trouble if it ever looked dirty. I looked forward to teaching my nephews how to swim. I had taught little kids how to swim since I was eleven.

Dad continued, “I don’t care when you do this, but it must be completed this week. I want all the old hay to be cleared out of the loft and stacked along the back of the barn. Sweep the loft and put all the loose hay in the feeders. You can also see if Nancy needs help with the weeding in the garden.”

“Then am I free to do anything I want?”

“I don’t know what your mom has planned for you; did you check her list?”

“Did she leave one? She came into my room before she left and told me the stuff I needed to do tomorrow.” I hated it when she left a list because that meant I didn’t have any free time. Sometimes she left me a list because she didn’t think I was paying attention when she gave me my orders. I was hoping that was the case tonight.

My dad walked over to the counter and pulled off a sheet of paper. “Here you go. It doesn’t look like much.”

I took the list with no enthusiasm. Good it was a reminder; I had to dust and vacuum the floors and the furniture. So, either I got up when my dad left to get it done before she got home at 8:00 tomorrow morning or I had to do it after she slept. She might sleep six hours on a good day. I was not sure if it was good for us or her. Sometimes I wish she would sleep longer so she might not be as crabby, and we would have a longer time not worrying about what else she wanted us to do. Missy didn’t have to do as much work as I did at her age. I thought she was a spoiled brat. I was thankful that I had the treehouse as my studio so I could get away from the brat. Now I had two very nosey little nephews plus a sister who made it their mission in life to drive me crazy. Once I taught the boys how to swim it would be better because then they would be able to play in the pool together and maybe leave me alone.

When my dad went to his room Missy had to go to bed. I had the rest of the house to myself so I started dusting so I could get that out of my way. I checked to see if my dad had any T-shirts that needed ironing in the laundry room. Yes, my mom ironed my dad’s T-shirts. She ironed everything. I swore when I got older I would not iron. I couldn’t tell you how many times I had to re-iron a shirt or pants because my mom said they weren’t good enough. Sometimes I had to really search to see where I messed up, she was that meticulous. I looked in the fridge to see what I could take that wouldn’t be missed. I might be able to take a leftover hamburger because I was the one to put them away. My mom might not know how many burgers were leftover though she knew how many buns were in the bag. Besides, I have been known to eat one for breakfast. I could take a few slices of bread. I usually don’t eat one of them in the morning for breakfast.

I was glad I still had some of the items in the treehouse that we used when we stayed there in the summer before my dad built the warehouse. Sometimes some of my dad’s friends from St. Louis used it when it was hunting season. I got out baggies: one for ketchup, one for mustard and one for pickles. I couldn’t imagine eating a hamburger without all three of these condiments. I took out some cheese slices. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as well. I grabbed a couple of apples. My mom had some cookies in the freezer that she kept for when we had company. She knew that everyone took a couple occasionally. My older sister, Laurie, got us started doing that. My dad would even get into them occasionally. This was one of the times that none of us were scared about taking something without asking. I swear my mom did it, too, when we weren’t home.

I didn’t find any T-shirts, but I took a washcloth and a towel, toothbrush, toothpaste, a comb, and a bar of soap. There wasn’t any shampoo that I could find. Ned would have to use the bar of soap on his hair. I got bandages, peroxide, and some aspirins. There were so many cans of Vess soda my mom couldn’t know how many there were. I grabbed a black cherry, orange, and cola. I got a Ziploc bag of ice. I put all this in a grocery bag and took Suzy with me. I wanted Suzy to become friends with Ned so she wouldn’t bark at him. I heard my dad snoring, so I knew he was asleep. I could see that Missy’s light was off. This meant that she wasn’t reading before she went to sleep. I stood outside Missy’s door, and I didn’t hear her. It was safe to head down to the treehouse with my flashlight.

I could see the steps of the treehouse when I crossed the road. The window in the door was frosted glass and light was spilling out of the window onto the steps. I would have to tape black paper over the door’s window. Plus, I saw he must have the shutter opened on the far side of the treehouse. You really couldn’t tell it from the road unless you were looking in that direction. I would have to tell him no lights if he wanted the shutters open.

Suzy started to growl as we started up the stairs. I told her, “Shush girl, it’s okay.” The lights went off instantly. I didn’t want to yell. I didn’t know why; no one would have heard if I did. I just said, “Ned, it’s me Sam.” No answer. I started up the stairs. When I got to the top, I didn’t reach for the key, instead I knocked on the door. I knocked five times in the rhythm that all kids knew, and he responded with two knocks. He opened the door. Suzy was right behind me, and she started to bark. I yelled at her to stop. “Suzy, stop. It’s okay, he is a friend of mine.” We both were startled with my yell. I thought he was a little startled that I said he was a friend. “You should back up so I can come in and she will follow.” When we were all in and the door was closed, I flipped the switch for the light over the sink. Suzy had cornered Ned and was growling at him. “Suzy stop.” I walked over and stood beside him. “Ned, kneel if you can. Now, make a fist with your hand, palm down, and gently move it out so she can sniff it.” I reached out and petted Suzy. “See Suzy, he is a friend.”

“I don’t think she is going to come to me.”

“Talk to her in a soft gentle voice.”

He said in a sing-song way, “Hi Suzy, I’m Ned and I am not going to hurt you or Sam.”

Suzy came over very slowly and sniffed Ned’s hand. I petted her, trying to make sure she knew everything was all right. She finally came closer and was sniffing all of him. “You should try to pet her now.”

“Are you sure?” He looked up at me and you could tell he was scared.

I nodded, then walked over to the table and got everything out of the brown paper bag. I put the bag of ice in the little freezer.

“I brought you some food. Sorry, I couldn’t find any clothes though. Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving.”

“Well, I will try to get you more stuff tomorrow, but I have to figure out how to get it out of the house, so nobody sees me taking stuff or my mom doesn’t notice that it’s missing. I brought some stuff to clean you up, but you should eat something first.”

Ned sat down and devoured the hamburger on bread with ketchup, mustard and a bunch of pickles. He drank the orange soda first. “Thanks, I needed this. I really don’t want to get you in trouble. I just have to think about what I should do next.”

“Well, you are going to draw attention to yourself walking around all bruised up and bloody.”

“Yeah, I know.” He said looking down and eyeing the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“Don’t you like peanut butter and jelly?”

“Yeah, but I am trying to decide if I should leave it for breakfast.”

“Shoot, I didn’t think of breakfast. I have to collect eggs tomorrow morning. We split them with my brother’s family. Do you know what? You could go over there in the middle of the night and take some if you want.” I saw he didn’t like the idea. “I can try to figure out how to get some without the boys noticing. Sometimes they are watching cartoons while eating breakfast when I come over early.” I saw I was going to lose sleep trying to feed this guy. “Go ahead and eat it.” It was gone in a flash. Suzy had been dancing around him thinking she might get a morsel of food off him but unless he lets her lick his hands I doubt if there was a crumb left. “You should give Suzy one of the slices of cheese. You will be her friend for life.